Maleficent: novelty noted

For sure, I am a sucker for prequels/origin stories to things I already know and love.  I get that you can irrevocably scar a franchise’s future (Phantom-of-the-Opera style, where it needs a perma-mask to hide its hideousness), but the satisfying “…ahhh” that comes with witnessing the fall of the first domino is worth it.  Of course there should be compelling story in its own right, of its own merits, in addition to the breadcrumbs that lead to the original story.  And while I wasn’t necessarily expecting Maleficent to be Wicked, I would have liked a bit more.  From adolescent to well, a grown-ass woman, we watch a powerful but benevolent leader regretfully become a de-facto godmother to this child she curses.  It’s a very odd case of a misunderstood villain.  Outside of being ridiculously predictable, I liked the movie, though I would have liked it better had she owned her villainous ways… would have made a far more interesting story.  At least the theme song is hauntingly beautiful: 

Verdict: only if you have small child… (skip it) 

Cloud Atlas: ...ummm...

I think I need to read the book.  It was confusing and jumbled and LONG and somewhat painful to sit through.  From what I read about it, this was a ridiculous undertaking in the first place, and it is a cleaner version of the book: they simplified the characters by having the actors play multiple roles.  And yes, it did in fact look like a make-up artist's "white whale," turning all the actors into at least one alternative ethnicity.  But, the story is disjointed and nearly impossible to follow, having no clear theme that explains why their lives are intertwined or circular.  Again, in summary, I think I need to read the book.
Verdict: It's a dense book... (skip it unless you fully commit)

The Master:...I got nothing

I will keep this brief. There is not much I can say, as I have no idea what I watched.  There was a story about two men who stumble upon each other and...and...I don't know actually what follows beyond that.  I think there was a real point of view here, but I am not of the right mind to decipher what it was.  The characters were good, I think, but without a sound storyline for me to contrast it with, I can't tell you if they really did a good job.  Honestly, I'd only see this as an intellectual challenge to prove to yourself that you are artistically refined enough and intelligent enough to get the point.
Verdict: if you dare (skip)

The Odd Life of Timothy Greene: mediocre at best

So, on the heels of watching an amazing family film, I watched this one, which may or may not be coloring my opinion.  In general, I found this movie confused.  We have this miraculous occurrence of a child growing from a garden, to a set of good-natured and hopeful parents.  But there is a learning curve on how to raise a child.  And so we watch these two bumble around like bats in the open afternoon air.  And in contrast, the focal point of the film, we have this sweet yet odd child who sprang from the ground one night.  Sometimes talented, sometimes not, this kid could test the patience of any parent. So, in the end, I still don't know if the lesson was about the perseverance of parenting or the need to "chillax" what it means to have a perfect kid.
Verdict: rent it if you really want to... (skip)

Project X: absolute mayhem

It's pretty much Superbad, on speed, and with far more drugs.  And overall destruction: bodies, minds, and neighborhoods. I get a good prominence-from-nothing story, but this...the nerdy kid throws the party, adds ridiculous amounts of people (more than the kid has ever known), X, and pot and then of course sex and vandalism ensue.  All I could do was sit in the theater, mouth agape, and pray that it stopped, or at least at some point became apologetic. It never did.  No morals, consequences, or lessons.  Just one raucous party that took out a suburban col-de-sac.  I worry for young people.
Verdict: only if you are curious how bad can bad be (Skip)

Safe House: needed...something...

Simply put, this movie was lacking. Lacking a story, lacking development, lacking purpose.  To be fair, the story was focused: get a criminal mastermind into the Fed's custody.  But the catch is that it will take a junior FBI agent two hours to do it.  Nothing else... just the logistics.  No real backstory for why the characters are the way they are.  No real motives.  Just killing and transporting.  I really have nothing else to say about that...
Verdict: why would you? (skip)

Something Borrowed: Un-fortunate

So, I know I've said this before, but I do love a good chick flick.  I really do.  The predictable happily ever after that follows a mildly awkward confrontation, mostly stemming from an "I love you MORE" argument.  Who doesn't appreciate that?!  So, when you mess with the formula, it better be amazing.  There are about eight plot holes, compounded by a lack-luster "woe is me" heroine.  Because it tries to end about 5 times but aborts by introducing a new and unrelated issue that never gets resolved... just swept under the rug.  All in all it was underwhelming, even though it had so much potential (the book was kind of clutch).
Verdict: If you ever use your brain when watching a movie, don't do it (Skip)

Medea’s Big Happy Family: No words

So, Tyler Perry has yet to get the balance right with a black comedy.  I have the same problem with him as I do Vince Vaughn: too much.  You can poke fun at a few stereotypes, and even throw in some wise cracking old people, but to have only buffoonery characters, is unforgiveable.  Especially if they are only black (I really do think if there were some hillbilly white people, I feel less appalled).  And then on top of writing in those characters, they are directed  in a way that is like “You know how we embellish black people?  Let’s play only those aspects up!  More weed, Jesus, and incoherent babble!”  Overall, this movie was a hot mess, full of ignorant and offensive people.  And it had so much potential…

Verdict: Tyler Perry owes me money (skip)

Dogtooth: F***ing weird

Finn, of one of my favorite shows Glee, once stated it beautifully: “I have no idea what’s going on in this script, and it’s not in a cool Inception kind of way.”  I sat confused and disturbed for an hour and a half, and it really doesn’t help that it’s filmed in Greek.  Although, I’m not sure if the characters were speaking English it would have helped one bit.  So, long story short, this film is a warped tale of a family’s stab at utopia where the parents make up the rules of obedience and fun.  In the end, it all goes awry and the system fails, but in this case, I’m rooting for the kids; their parents are effing weirdos.

Verdict: Only if you want to be mentally disturbed (Skip it)

Country Strong: Hot mess

I like Gweneth Paltrow. I like musicals. I even like country music. However, I do not like bad stories. While I did not find the acting bad in this movie, I found the script to be terrible... similar to watching a dramatization in an infomercial: like, someone who can't chop onions with a regular knife. It took an alcoholic's journey back to normalcy (which can be interesting enough on its own) and complicated it with ridiculous relationships of love, lust, and glory. Building drama into an already dramatic story rarely is done right... it just comes off overly dramatic. I don't like it in people and I definitely don't like it in films.
Verdict: Wait for Network (Only if it's free)

Hereafter: uhhh… yeah…

I’m not going to skirt around it; I didn’t get it. Whether it’s because I don’t believe enough in its supernatural circumstances or because I can’t piece together the story, this three-piece disaster went over my head. The movie follows three characters attempting to deal with death and losses, while mismanaging their actual lives. As everything continues to unravel around them (their social lives wrecked by their obsessions), the film just kind of slaps a band-aid on the situation, and calls it a day. So, because of its abrupt conclusion, that left me as confused as when I started, I did not appreciate this particular work.
Verdict: Don’t bother (only if it’s free)